I often hear people say that they’ve been involved with a narcissist, or they accuse someone of being a narcissist. It seems to become part of popular vocabulary if someone has upset you or is perceived to have behaved badly.
In fact, narcissism is a clinical condition and is one of a group of conditions which have been known as personality disorders; this does not mean that people with such a condition are merely unpleasant unco-operative and difficult to get on with (although some-one with PD may be all of these at times). There are quite clear and specified indications that someone has narcissistic personality disorder.
How do you recognise a narcissist
It’s very difficult initially. Narcissists are often very charming even charismatic, they often attract people to them effortlessly and discard them just as effortlessly, and consequently tend not to have long term, or at times any, friends. Narcissists are also very convincing, and an individual can find themselves deeply involved with a narcissist, financially, emotionally or both without ever having been aware of their less appealing characteristics behaviours and motivation.
- A narcissist likes to be seen to be superior and will strive to live in the most expensive areas, drive the biggest car, have the most influential friends etc, however this image that the narcissist tries to create does not always manifest and they may, behind the image be deep in debt and living in squalor.
- A narcissist will never be to blame and cannot accept any kind of criticism. They will never apologise or if they do, their apology will be qualified with blame on either you, another person or on circumstances They may often describe a background and past relationships in which they are the victim
- A narcissistic will never be interested in how you are and the conversation is always about them even if it doesn’t start out that way
- A narcissist will never be interested in what you want either now or in the future.
- A narcissist will have their own way and you will find yourself living with all kinds of decisions that you are not happy with because you will always, without exception find yourself doing what they want you to do.
- A narcissist will often come across as very caring initially, but they will begin to gaslight, bolster their self-esteem at the expense of yours, criticise and find you wanting constantly.
- A narcissist will seldom be authentic, and you will experience a sense that you are being lied to or cheated on (you may be) or sometimes just have a sense of disconnection.
- A narcissist is someone with whom you can have a wonderful time especially when you first meet but with whom you will never have any authentic lasting intimacy either as a friend or a lover.
- A narcissist, despite appearances, often suffers from very low self-esteem and will become distraught if there is any kind of dispute, in the end the narcissist is always the injured person, and you will be the one who apologises.
People often suffer a massive drop in confidence and self-esteem after being in any kind of a relationship with a narcissist. If you think this applies to you, it may be necessary to seek help in overcoming the damage that has been done emotionally and psychologically.