Category: Comment & Columnists

It’s the time of year for fresh starts and new beginnings. Many of us make New Year’s resolutions to change aspects of our lives that aren’t working, or we want to improve.

It’s great to want to change but the four problems with resolutions are they:

1. Focus on what we don’t want, causing anxiety by activating the ‘worry chemicals’ in our bodies.
2. Rely on will power and motivation to achieve.
3. Have poorly specified criteria for success.
4. Have an end point with only two possible outcomes: either succeed or fail.

If I try even a straightforward resolution like getting fit, it will likely fail because:

• I’m trying to fix something wrong with me I don’t want.
• I currently have no fitness routine built into my life, so adopting one now without altering my environment, habits and mindset won’t work.
• Success relies on will power.
• I haven’t specified what I mean by fit, so I won’t know if I succeed.
• Even if I do specify success criteria, the outcome is binary, with failure most likely.
• Learning and growth are not built into the process.
• I’ll eventually peter out and feel like a failure.

This all belongs to what I call the world of the Fixed Mindset: win/lose, succeed/fail, I either have what it takes, or I don’t. Can you see how that ramps up anxiety?

Much better to focus on what we do want, the things that are most important to us, which I call living our values. It’s not an outcome or a goal, but rather bringing your values to life in your actions and speaking. It’s like jumping into a river that’s always flowing, and you’ve decided to swim along with it for a while.

This may sound like mental gymnastics but it’s actually a completely different mindset involving growth and learning. You’re bringing your values to life by trying out different things, experimenting to discover what works. There’s no winning or losing, only being in the game. And neurochemically it’s completely different because it’s about working towards positive aspiration that will always pull you forward. Values are by definition open ended concepts.

For example, maybe you value your health and well-being. You take stock and realise you have not been living consistently with that value for a while. You decide to take some actions and adopt regular practices to bring that value to life. Perhaps you try walking 5km three times a week, and your criteria for success is feeling full of energy all day. You play with it, experiment, and eventually try ramping it up to running 5km once a week, then twice then three times and see how that goes. Yes, it will take some will power but instead of force it’s about living true to your values!

What are your values? In what areas is your life not congruent with your values? What could you say and do to bring them to life?

That’s a worthwhile life-long project.

Main photo credit: Brad Neathery via Unsplash

As December draws to an inevitable close I’m reflecting back on the year. 2022 has been a productive year for me and I’ve loved creating columns for Sorted Digital. I was especially happy when the inimitable Steve Legg invited me to step up to the role of Digital Editor and it’s been a lot of fun getting to know the team. It’s difficult to choose a favourite story but here are three offerings which I really enjoyed putting together earlier in the year.

James Macintyre was so gracious and kind when I approached him about writing this story. He spoke so honestly about his struggles with mental illness in the interview with Iain Dale on LBC’s All Talk Podcast. Here’s the story again Successful and psychotic – Sorted Magazine.

Stalking a Bishop on a street level pilgrimage around Greater Manchester was a remarkable experience, made all the more memorable by the Manchester Arena bombing which took place just a few days earlier. I shall never forget the intensity of that time, my recollections are here Lest we forget… – Sorted Magazine

Paul Merson’s powerful message reached me (via the medium of television) while safely snuggled on the sofa. Perhaps I’m drawn to authenticity and Paul delivered it in spades. I just had to write about it. Read the story again here Merson on a mission – Sorted Magazine.

During 2022 I’ve enjoyed reading Chris Kerr’s diary about his newborn daughter, Thea. In case you missed it here’s one of his earlier columns The weight is over – Sorted Magazine. By my reckoning his little girl will be walking by Easter, I shall look out for Chris’s adventures in 2023!

Did you know that Steve Legg is on the wireless? Yep, every Saturday on Konnect Radio. Here’s the run down of a recent Interview: “We would find drug dealers and rob them …” – Sorted Magazine. It’s gripping stuff. His show is about an hour long which is the perfect length to listen to on my early morning run. Just kidding, I listen while pottering in the kitchen 😉

In 2023, God willing, we’ll be delivering robust journalism, fun stuff, interviews, reviews, comment and opinion from all of the above plus inspirational writers such as Jeff Lucas, Tony Vino, J John, Candy O’Donovan, Peter Martin, Mark Ames, Rami, Andy Godfrey, Bob Fraser and more. See you online at Sorted Digital in 2023!

Next time you’re tempted to pig out on bacon sandwiches, have a think about the potential benefits if we all cut our meat consumption. In 2016 I ceased being an omnivore. I’d originally given up meat for Lent and planned on getting back to chomping dead animals from Easter Sunday. I even had the idea of my Easter egg being a Scotch egg.

Yet something changed. As I contemplated the death and resurrection of Christ, I found myself contemplating the well being and suffering of all God’s creatures. I went from Love Divine to love bovine. Did you know, there are over a billion animals killed each year in UK slaughterhouses, including 2.6 million cows? They also dispatch over 945 million chickens; hardly a poultry sum.

The craving to eat meat subsided. I went through cold turkey by not eating cold turkey, experiencing the same pangs of withdrawal and liberation as when I gave up smoking. Instead of Nicorette patches I stuck slices of salami to my shoulder.

The NHS should set up a meat addiction line: “To speak to an advisor press the corned beef hash key.” The main reason for becoming veggie isn’t animal welfare, it’s love of the environment. I love the environment so much that I’ve decided to eat more of it.

With world population estimated to reach 11 billion by the year 2100, the rising per capita meat consumption is unsustainable for the planet. It’s like we’re sitting on the Titanic eating roast beef. Raising livestock is the leading cause of global deforestation, 60% of direct global greenhouse gas emissions, uses 30% of the earth’s landmass and 80% of all antibiotics.

The world’s cattle alone consume more calories than the entire human population, and don’t get me started on how much they break wind. Never get stuck in a lift with a cow. Methane has a global warming potential 86 times that of CO² and cows produce 150 billion gallons of it every day – nobody light a match!

Remember too, the health benefits of a plant based diet. Red meat can stay in your system for up to a week (green meat leaves it immediately). I hope I don’t come across too preachy, or sound like I’m jabbing an invisible carrot stick of accusation. But if you are feeling moo-ved, all we are saying is, give peas a chance.

Main photo credit: Ryan Song via Unsplash

There’s a hilarious scene in the film Bedazzled where Brendan Fraser’s character is magically transformed into a highly sensitive version of himself. He writes poetry, feels everything deeply, blubbers at the sunset, loses the girl and is generally a bit pathetic. But founders of the Highly Sensitive Refuge, Andre Solo and Jenn Granneman, argue that being highly sensitive isn’t a weakness, it’s actually a super power.

Full disclosure: I’ve admired Andre and Jenn’s work for years and devour their weekly newsletters. (I also think Andre’s name sounds a bit like Hans Sólo, so that makes him extra cool too.) Jenn founded Introvert, Dear and together they unpack some of the astonishing science behind the nature of sensitivity and introversion. They have a great team of writers and in (what seems to me) a remarkable act of generosity they make most of their work free online. Their efforts have helped me enormously and I’m grateful for their boldness in speaking up on this topic. It’s changed how I view my own sensitivity and the sensitivity of others. Here are some key points:

Worried that you might be too touchy? Do you feel things too deeply? Do you struggle to hide your emotions sometimes?

Sólo and Granneman point to the fact that 30% of the population are highly sensitive and this is actually a unique strength which can serve you well. But what is a highly sensitive person and how do you know if you are one? If you’re new to this concept and want to understand more here are 21 Signs That You’re a Highly Sensitive Person

What might a highly sensitive man look like?

Several men in my world are incredibly intuitive. They can read the room, quickly gather and process all the data and gauge the mood in a heartbeat. They also seem to have highly tuned predator detection circuits and instinctively scan the horizon for risks. Equipped with permanent 360 degree radar, powerful protective drives and lightning fast reactions I love being around these guys because they make me feel so safe. This article explains How Highly Sensitive Men Are Different From Highly Sensitive Women

On needing time alone

As a highly sensitive person myself I enjoy having some time to process all that data my brain has absorbed. Ticking jobs off a list, finishing tasks and closing some of my mental “tabs” also helps me to avoid becoming overwhelmed. Friends have mistaken me for an extrovert because I’m always so excited to see them, but those who are around me the most know that after about four hours of human contact I burn out and become quite boring! Granneman explains why we sometimes need time alone.

During the run up to Christmas 2020 many folks were not able to meet up in person. Communities didn’t gather face to face. Travel was limited. Celebrations and family gatherings went online or on the doorstep. As Santa zoomed around the world with his sleigh full of presents, many people zoomed on their computers to keep connected to family and friends. I wonder whether this was a cause for folks to reflect on the real meaning of Christmas or whether many just drowned their sorrows of in a bottle of *Glenlivet? *Other whiskeys are available.

It troubles me that the poor are still hungry, the homeless are still without shelter and more people than I feel comfortable thinking about are lonely or homeless, and feel excluded from either secular or religious expressions of Christmas. This year in particular, the situation in Ukraine has led to the biggest mass migration of people since World War Two. For many the run up to Christmas will be a very poignant time.

So, as Wham’s 1984 hit Last Christmas plays incessantly on the radio, I’m thinking about how I will be spending this Christmas. I’ll be hoping to see family and friends of course. I’ll be looking for authenticity and relevance in expressions of Christmas. And I’ll be thankful that I have life and health and strength, a roof over my head and a choice over how I celebrate. And I’ll be mindful of those who have very little to celebrate. Those who had a really tough year. But most of all, I hope that I will maintain a connection with messages of light in the darkness and hope for the future.

Main photo credit: Tessa Rampersad via Unsplash

To help us choose a long lasting Christmas tree Sorted Magazine asked Chris Bonnet, the founder of Gardening Express for his top tips “If you want your tree to look the best then it’s worth doing a few checks to get the best value for your money. Don’t base your selection just on looks, as some trees that look green and lively may actually be drying already, and keep in mind that some sellers also paint their trees.”

Chris suggests that it’s a good idea to measure how much space you have available and choose a tree to fit, taking into account the tree topper and stand. Look at the colour of the tree, the greener the better. Avoid trees with grey or brown colouring. Check that the needles are flexible; tough needles that snap easily are the first sign of a dying tree. Check if the needles are shedding by running your hands through the branches or tapping on the trunk of the tree. Keep in mind that some shedding of needles is expected, especially with the warmer climate this year, but if lots are falling off then you may want to consider a fresher tree. Pines and firs are considered more family friendly as they have softer needles, whereas spruces have a strong distinctive pine scent. A tree which has been kept in partial shade will adjust better to the indoors because it’s been protected from sunlight.

And Chris’s final tip? He said: “Alternatively, people can save themselves the trouble and buy their Christmas tree online from us at Gardening Express and get it delivered straight to their door!”

Main photo credit: Daria Shatova Unsplash