Sorted Magazine

Tag: Bob Fraser

  • Beyond the Banter: Putting down deep roots

    Beyond the Banter: Putting down deep roots

    Gardening experts advise that when planting a young tree a stake should be fixed at an angle which points in the direction of the prevailing wind. They also advise that the stake should be removed after a couple of years to allow the tree to develop deeper roots as it bends in the wind. Apparently part of the design of the tree is to bend and flex under pressure, because that action is what produces deeper and stronger roots. The roots grow deeper on the side facing the direction the wind is coming from.

    I was out walking recently and came across an uprooted tree in woodland not far from where I live. This was a huge, mature tree, surrounded by many other trees, and it had been around for a long time, maybe since the woodland was planted in the early 1900’s. The woodland and adjacent parkland was a gesture from the landowners to the people of the local mining and industrial community to provide some respite from the dust and grime of the coal mining industry which was so prevalent in this part of the north west.

    Despite its huge size and weight, and it not being identified as a tree at risk or attacked by disease, it had been blown over and lay like a spent matchstick. The ‘root plate’, as they call it, was very thin. The roots went sideways more than downwards. Perhaps the roots were shallow because the tree was surrounded by other trees so it hadn’t had to withstand the full force of the wind. In recent storms many big trees were blown over because the wind came from a different direction to the norm, making it easier to dislodge any shallow roots.

    I came across another angle on this recently when I spotted a tree clinging for all it’s worth to a cliff edge (see main photo). The ground below half of it had been washed away by coastal erosion, exposing the root system. It was a smaller tree standing on it’s own, but had developed deeper roots. For now, it was standing firm.

    I’m sure you can see some parallels here with our spiritual lives. No matter how strong we may look on the outside, if our roots don’t go deep we can be vulnerable to being blown over in the storms and strong winds of life.

    Trees are fairly resilient on the whole and will bend in the wind. You may have heard trees creaking sometimes. We too may creak and sway a bit in the storms but still stay standing. We are designed to withstand a certain amount of pressure, but if we are constantly battered and have only shallow roots, there may come a time when we fall over when something comes at us from a direction we weren’t expecting.

    We can seem strong when surrounded and protected by others. But we may need to leave the security and relative shelter provided by others and feel the full force of the prevailing wind. Our resilience and faith will grow stronger under pressure.

    The picture of a small tree suffering from coastal erosion suggested to me that there are no guarantees in life. Even if we have put down strong roots there are some things we have no control over. Here are a couple of snippets of ancient wisdom to consider:

    You can’t find firm footing in a swamp, but life rooted in God stands firm. Proverbs 12:3 (New Living Translation)

    Blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Jeremiah 17:7-8 (New Living Translation)

    Main Photo Credit: Courtesy of Bob Fraser

  • Beyond the Banter: Myths and Legends

    Beyond the Banter: Myths and Legends

    A friend invited me to go with him to see one of the Hobbit films. Lots of us men love myths, legends, and stories of adventure. Especially epic stories of adventure, where there’s a struggle going on between good and evil, darkness and light. They hold a strange fascination for many of us.

    We duly met at the cinema only to find that the schedule had been changed and it was not on that afternoon. It wasn’t on anywhere else that afternoon. His Plan B suggestion was to go ten-pin bowling. Now I’ve only played occasionally since school days and probably the last time I went was ten years previously. So I was a little rusty to say the least. However, amongst the many rounds where I didn’t get a strike at all, I had one when I got four strikes in a row! I knew three in a row and you were a turkey, but never before had I heard of anyone getting four. I’d never even had three. So I was unprepared for the declaration that came up on the screen that I was a four-bagger. To me at least it was a story of epic proportions, albeit a short one. Me – a four-bagger!

    All of this made me think about whether there is some sort of epic struggle going on in our lives and whether we have a battle on our hands against an unseen enemy who is determined to sideline us and cause us to lose heart. Is the story of our individual lives set within a much bigger epic story, which is still unfolding? Many of us have some consciousness of good and evil. We’re well aware of the many cruel things that happen to innocent people, and of the need for justice and truth. Many of us can see that some things seem more associated with darkness than light. Yet we all have a strange fascination with the darkness, and can easily get drawn into it if we are not careful. Hidden dangers lurk there. We go through a door out of curiosity and before you know it the door slams behind us and there’s no handle on the inside. We have no alternative but to go further and risk getting totally lost in unfamiliar surroundings. We may never find our way back.

    For the Christian believer, the good news is that we don’t have to go it alone. We can draw on God’s help when the darkness seems more attractive than the light; when hiding in a dark cave seems better than facing the light of reality; when dwelling on our failures seems easier than getting up again and moving forward. We can draw on the courage and strength He provides to reduce the frequency with which we lose heart and feel like giving up. We can listen to His affirmation and encouragement, and replace our lethargy and isolation with a greater desire to be part of an epic story where good triumphs over evil, where love wins in the end.

    Main Photo Credit: Artem Sapegin via Unsplash

  • Beyond the Banter: Nothing to hide; nothing to fear; nothing to prove

    Beyond the Banter: Nothing to hide; nothing to fear; nothing to prove

    The idea of becoming men who have nothing to hide, nothing to fear and nothing to prove is a theme developed by Morgan Snyder, one of the Senior Leaders of John Eldredge’s Wild at Heart organisation, in his online podcast ‘Become Good Soil’. (Home – Become Good Soil) As I’ve thought about those three phrases, I find I can identify with each of them to some degree.

    I’m sure many of us have done or thought about things that we’d rather not admit to, and we’ve kept it hidden from others. It’s understandable. We want others to think well of us; we want to preserve our reputation or perhaps we’re just not ready or willing to admit to some failure in the past. It feels safer to hide it or bury it and try to move on.

    Nelson Mandela believed that everyone should be treated the same, whatever the colour of their skin. That belief resulted in him spending 27 years in prison, but he went from being a prisoner to a President and became an inspiration to people all over the world. He said: “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not the man who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers fear.”

    Fear can manifest itself in many ways, but many men won’t admit to being afraid in a dangerous situation as it may look like they are weak. However, fear sometimes has a way of galvanising courage within us when in a tight spot or when lost or when facing overwhelming circumstances. So fear can be a good thing. It’s a natural survival response and it can get us out of danger or keep us out of trouble. Bear Grylls said that being brave is having fear but finding a way through it.

    But fear can also immobilise us to the point where we are unable to figure out what to do in a difficult situation. What may come to the surface are times when we got wounded or treated badly, so we are understandably reluctant to make ourselves vulnerable and put ourselves in that kind of situation again.

    It’s often fairly obvious to us when someone seems to have something to prove. There is something they are striving to live up to, some image they are trying to maintain, some impression they are trying to give. But it’s a false front and underneath there is a different person who is insecure and perhaps wounded by past events. Richard Rohr, an American Franciscan priest and writer on spirituality based in Albuquerque, New Mexico, and a very popular writer and speaker on spirituality said, “There is nothing to prove and nothing to protect. I am who I am and it’s enough”.

    Wanting to be a man who has nothing to hide, nothing to fear and nothing to prove gives me a route map for leaving the past behind, whether that be stuff I’ve done, or stuff that happened to me, and I can head into the future more secure in who I am becoming. I like that idea of becoming. It reminds me that, whatever age I am, I am unfinished; I am still work in progress.

    Main Photo Credit: Eddie Kopp via Unsplash

  • Comment: The mystery of Easter

    Comment: The mystery of Easter

    The Ancient Greeks were famous for their education and wisdom, yet their knowledge didn’t close their minds to things which couldn’t be explained. My guess is that they would have had a mixture of influences, would probably be superstitious, and would need a bit more information when someone started talking about faith. They were real people living in a real world, yet they were very comfortable with mystery when it came to beliefs.

    I think today’s generally post-faith society is similar. Many would have us believe that everything can be explained by science. Yet running alongside that is considerable interest in all things mysterious. Just look at all the fantasy TV programmes and films focussing on futuristic space exploration or the supernatural. And all those blockbuster films like Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings and Chronicles of Narnia. There is a massive interest in and acceptance of things we can’t fully understand and which stretch the imagination. We shouldn’t be too quick to condemn this. Maybe we have tried to take the mystery out of our world and lost that sense of awe and wonder as a result.

    Personally, I don’t need to have a rational or scientific explanation for everything. I’m very happy for there to be a sense of mystery especially in the area of beliefs. The origins of Easter are surrounded by controversy and shrouded in mystery. The story goes that God, in his wisdom, sent his son into our world as a vulnerable baby. The boy grew to become an apprentice in his father’s carpentry business. In his late twenties he set off on foot travelling through villages and towns sharing his thinking about life and faith. Not everyone liked it and it all ended up in a cruel death. But then, a mystery. Sightings of him alive again. A disputed resurrection somehow changed the lives and beliefs of a small number of people who went on to influence the lives of countless others around the world.

    Perhaps we all struggle to accept things that are beyond our understanding and beyond our control, but maybe in those moments all we can do is stand in awe and accept it as an unfathomable mystery.

    Main photo credit: Aaron Burden via Unsplash

  • Beyond the banter: Stories matter

    Beyond the banter: Stories matter

    We all have a story and, as the story of our life unfolds, it will intersect with the stories of others.

    In 1846, James Caughey visited a little church in Nottingham as a guest speaker. He talked about developing the character of a servant, helping the poor and sharing faith.

    One particular man sitting in the congregation had been drifting in his faith. He felt God speak to him that night. That young man was William Booth and the movement he founded was the Salvation Army, which today is an international movement sharing the gospel and meeting human need in the most deprived situations.

    Some things struck me about that story. Firstly, there’s a challenge to faithfulness. James Caughey was a Methodist minister who faithfully followed God’s call to move to England, not knowing what might lie ahead. He was faithful and wasn’t bothered about fame or profile or preaching to large audiences. He was happy to show up at a small gathering and share what God had put on his heart. He had no idea of how his words might impact another’s life.

    And there’s a challenge to serve. He presented a challenge not just for folks to turn to God in faith, but called them to action to serve a needy world. James Coughey’s faithfulness intersected with William Booth’s shaky faith. God spoke, Booth responded, and the story was forever changed. Booth turned back to his faith and found a way to strengthen and bless others.

    We all have a story, and our stories matter.

    Main photo credit: Stephen Radford via Unsplash

  • Beyond the banter: Envy can eat you up

    Beyond the banter: Envy can eat you up

    Gordon is a good friend. We have spent some fun times together, but he is totally locked into ‘stuff’. He’s a busy person and he’s gadget mad and considers it a priority to have the latest versions. He has a good job and can afford to buy these things. I suppose when I was earning more money I was a bit more carefree, but I sometimes wonder whether for him it is an addiction. I’m probably about five years behind when it comes to the latest technology, but as we talked it became clear that he would find it very difficult to go back even a couple of years to what then seemed like a must-have piece of equipment. In his eyes going backwards represents a failure of some sort, and his fairly forceful insistence that I should upgrade my stuff was actually quite hurtful.

    I’ve always wanted to be a good provider. I feel the weight of that responsibility. I hope I never lose that sense. But I sometimes feel self-conscious that my car is getting on a bit. Why should I? It runs perfectly well. Yet I feel slightly off the pace of other men whom I perceive to be more successful than me. Do you ever feel this kind of pressure?

    Financial difficulties can leave you with feelings of uselessness and under-achievement. The trouble is we’ve all come to expect a certain standard of living. Some young couples expect to start out in life where their parents ended up after a lifetime of work. It was all made worse by the ‘buy now, pay later’ idea. When I was a young man there was a cultural shift from saving up until you could afford something, to buying it now on credit. After all, why pay more for it a year down the line if you could get it cheaper now, even allowing for paying some interest?

    Men can feel an unspoken pressure to compete with one another. I know one guy who doesn’t watch adverts on television because he doesn’t want to know what the latest gadget is. He doesn’t want that pressure on top of everything else he has to deal with. Sadly, advertisers find ever more cunning ways of peddling their wares especially through the internet. It’s so annoying when adverts pop up uninvited. It’s almost impossible to avoid.

    It takes will power to swim against this tide, to channel some of that drive to be a good provider into holding back on what we want and being happy with what we have. Let’s be strong enough to avoid the tendency to compare ourselves with others. Let’s not overstretch our resources just to keep up appearances.

    It’s healthy to be content, but envy can eat you up. Proverbs 14:30 CEV.

    Main photo credit: Rupixen via Unsplash

  • Beyond the banter: Pressed on every side by troubles?

    Beyond the banter: Pressed on every side by troubles?

    Conspiracy theories seem to be everywhere. Folks can fall for unsubstantiated stories whizzing around on social media without having seen any evidence to back up their belief. Others would say that seeing is believing, and unless there is indisputable evidence they won’t take a risk. Yet what we believe can determine the path we choose and the way we live our lives.

    I don’t think it’s that difficult to believe in something we can’t see. We believe that the chair we’re sitting on wont fall apart when we sit on it. Why? Well, we know a thing or two about chairs don’t we? We’ve seen them before, and got some experience of how they work, and we’ve seen others sitting on them and not fall off. We’ve tried some out for ourselves and we trust that the design of the chair won’t let us down.

    Someone might have told you that there’s a brilliant film out and you need to see it. They may rattle on about how good it is, and about a special effect that blew them away, or describe a particular moment when the hero had to take courage and head off into the unknown. Maybe it even changed the way they looked at some aspect of life. But if you haven’t seen it yet, unless you see it for yourself, you’ll never fully believe what they’re telling you and it will be difficult to share their enthusiasm.

    In many respects, faith is about believing in things we haven’t yet seen. Long ago a man named Paul sent letters to friends who had started to believe certain radical things about faith. Paul wrote this: We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever. (Extracted from 2 Cor 4 New Living Translation)

    Pressed on every side by troubles. Is that how you feel today? Have faith that things will get better; have faith that you can get up again after being knocked down; faith can help you get beyond the current struggle and believe that it won’t always be like it is right now. There is an unseen story unfolding, have faith to believe it.

    Main photo credit: Dole777 via Unsplash

  • Beyond the banter: A man and his map

    Beyond the banter: A man and his map

    I like to think I know the way to somewhere. Even when I don’t know, I like to pretend that I do. And dare I admit that I’m reluctant to take advice on directions?There is a solution to this quandary. A map!

    Wherever I go on holiday I feel the need to have a map. I think it’s to do with being secure, getting my bearings, establishing where I am. Perhaps it’s an ancient call from the hunter-protector within, to ensure that the way ahead avoids points of potential ambush while passing through places of peaceful refuge. I have a whole box full of maps from a lifetime of going places.

    Maps are great! They can help you identify remote beaches, rugged coastlines and off-shore islands. Maps are really useful for working out the quickest route to anywhere from somewhere. You can trace the meanderings of rivers, streams and footpaths. You can pinpoint post offices and other timeless features. Most importantly, you can find your way when you are lost.

    These days, many of us make use of digital maps and Satnav. But as clever as these things are to get you from A to B, a man with a massive concertina of a physical map in his hand is clearly an explorer, a pioneer, a master of all his eye can see.

    Until, of course, it’s foggy. Then, it’s a different story. Suddenly there’s an insecurity, an inability to intuitively know the way; a reluctance to bluff or speculate; a lostness; a longing perhaps for home and safety. A torch might be helpful but we didn’t think to bring that, and anyway, it’s not that much use in fog because there’s too much reflection. What we need at that moment is not a map or a torch, but a compass, to enable us to press on in the right direction.

    It’s a relief when the curtain of fog is raised and the sun pierces through. Everything is clearly visible. We know exactly where we are again and we can see where we’re going. No more need to guess or pretend everything’s okay. In the aftermath it’s a small story to tell in the midst of a bigger story of life’s adventure.

    For me, God’s word works a bit like a compass, helping me to find my way back home through the fog. Psalm 119:105 in The Message says: By your words I can see where I’m going. They throw a beam of light on my dark path.

    Main photo credit: Abillion Tefccu via Unsplash

  • Beyond the banter: “We’re all Doomed!”

    Beyond the banter: “We’re all Doomed!”

    Have you seen the popular sit-com Dad’s Army? It’s based on the activities of the Home Guard during the Second World War. I readily identify, either in my own life or in what I’ve observed in others, with the strengths, weaknesses and tendencies in many of the characters. As with most sit-coms there’s an element of truth in the ridiculous scenarios which are painted. I love the variety of personalities portrayed, and the almost impossible task that Captain Mainwaring had of shaping that disparate bunch of volunteers into an effective platoon.

    It’s my namesake, Fraser, who dramatically delivers the wide-eyed catch phrase “We’re all doomed”. The circumstances of life can come against us and immobilise us. Strong and bitter winds can blow us off course, producing a feeling of lostness. Storms can arise and shipwreck our hopes and dreams, leaving us with a sense of failure and confusion, wondering where we go from here.

    In order to distract from all this, some men take refuge in pursuits which are not helpful, playing computer games late into the night, flirting with addictive web sites, drowning sorrows with a few too many beers or finding a sense of relief in drugs. At best all these escapes can offer is temporary respite from life’s pressures. At worst, they increase the likelihood of relationship breakdown, deeper entrapment and yet more feelings of failure to deal with. Men are notorious for not wanting to face up to the reality of what they have become. They would rather run away into the bushes to hide or wear some kind of fig leaf to cover things up.

    Life is not a precise science. It is not something we can easily control. There’s a strong likelihood that unforeseen things will crop up. As I write this, some are still recovering from the effects of the Covid pandemic, longing for a time when things get back to some sort of normal. But what if it doesn’t? What then?

    I heard on the radio that former star of Tottenham Hotspur, Garry Mabutt, made over one thousand telephone calls to club supporters during the pandemic. It inspired me to make more effort to ring friends and keep connections alive. The alternative is to just hunker down and drift along, unwittingly opting to live my life with a high degree of unfulfilment and disappointment. Do I want to leave the planet regretting my lack of connection, my failures and under-achievements, or would it be better to leave a legacy in the lives of others? If I opt for the former, then maybe Fraser was right, and we are all doomed.

  • Beyond the Banter: Regrets … I’ve had a few

    Beyond the Banter: Regrets … I’ve had a few

    I’ve been having conversations with prisoners for many years; men who’ve gone off the rails and found themselves shut away from society and denied access to all that we might take for granted. Many of them can identify some reasons why they got caught up in a life of crime. Many make excuses for their behaviour and seek to justify their actions. Some, from a more professional background, may classify themselves differently to hardened criminals. They are nevertheless, ashamed of where they are now, given their background and upbringing.

    All these men have had to come to terms with what has happened and the consequences of their actions. For some, the experience of prison is enough to make them vow to never return. Others are stuck in a revolving door and find it hard to break entrenched patterns of behaviour or addiction, and, sooner or later, they wind up back inside. Many of them could have been spared from going off the rails if only there had been some accountability, some example to follow, someone to lead the way, or some positive influence in their lives.

    Conversations with all these men (from widely differing backgrounds and faith viewpoints) have given me an insight into how easy it is to get on a downward spiral of thinking and behaviour, and end up lost. This applies equally whether we are ‘inside’ or ‘outside’. Few of us can say we haven’t regretted something we did or said. Many of us have had moments of madness when we did something totally out of character, but which had dire consequences. Some of us have made poor choices or had spectacular public failures. None of us could claim to be immune or unaffected by life’s twists and turns.

    Like the rails of a train track, joy and pain run side by side. I’ve come to believe that experiences in life, whether good or bad, can teach us something. It is possible to find hope in the darkest of seasons, restoration after the greatest failure and wholeness beyond every heartache.

    Main photo credit: Matthew Ansley via Unsplash