Steve Legg interviews the British writers, life coaches, therapists and TV presenters Nick and Eva Speakman.
Steve Legg (SL): I’ve watched them on the telly. I’ve loved them for years. They are a fantastic couple. I’m going to call them the dynamic duo. They’re the world’s leading life-change therapists. It’s Nick and Eva Speakman.
Nick Speakman (SL): Thanks, Steve. That’s a great introduction. You know what? I’m a Batman fan, you know? Funnily enough, I was scrolling through Tik Tok the other day. And I saw a clip where Batman and Robin are on the Batcopter and Batman’s hanging from a ladder. And there’s a plastic shark, and it looks so bad. He’s like, ‘Robin, pass me the shark repellent,’ He just happened to have a can of shark repellent in the helicopter. But honestly, amazing. It was so tacky, but I thought it was all real. And it was terrific. So yeah, looking back, it just shows how easily you can con children.
SL: So we’ve seen you on our TV screens on This Morning and all sorts of shows like that. But of course, the whole nation is now loving you on Celebrity Hunted.
Eva Speakman (ES): It is probably one of our lives most unbelievable, exciting, scary adrenaline rushes. Genuinely, we expected it to be easier than it was. It feels so real. So you have to remind yourself that you’re doing this for charity. This is part of a TV show. But you totally forget; it immerses you, and you genuinely feel like you’re a fugitive on the run.
SL: Was it really scary at times?
NK: Oh, Steve, honestly, it was. Part of that fear is born out of the fact that we are both competitive. And you know, we wanted to evade capture as long as possible. You know, I mean, everything. We create everything, you know, our thoughts, everything that we’re doing, the world we live in, is the world that we see. But we felt so under pressure because we just literally didn’t want to get caught up.
ES: The biggest pressure is you don’t know what anybody else is doing. And you want to avoid being caught first. And we are the more mature duo on the run. There was a principle behind that because I was like, Okay, I won’t be the first to go. And I couldn’t bear that thought. So that kept us going. And as I say, you have yet to learn how the other fugitives are doing. So you need to find out whether they are still all out there. In this case, you know that the Hunters are slightly thinner on the ground. Honestly, it was you bed down for the night wherever that might be. We slept in places that I never thought. In stranger’s gardens, at the side of roads. Like literally just wherever we landed and you get that moment of reprieve where you think I should be okay here for the night. And then the second your eyes open. You go. You need to get packed up. And it’s ‘let’s get out’. You have no clue where the hunters are.
SL: Did you use some of your tricks of the trade? You had us on tenterhooks at the end of the first episode. I thought, oh no, they’ve caught them.
NS: Absolutely. We did. Yeah. We tried to use a few tricks and we tried to think about what they were going to do next. And it served us quite well. Yeah, we just put ourselves into the Hunter’s shoes. That doesn’t mean that we didn’t have a few scrapes as well along the way, but we played the game. We didn’t want to just try and get to the end without being caught.
Footnote: You can read the rest of my interview with the Speakmans in the next edition of Sorted Magazine or tune in to my weekly radio show at Konnect Radio to hear the whole conversation.
Main photo credit: The Speakmans with American actor, Jeff Goldblum, courtesy of Nick and Eva Speakman.
J.John is relaunching his just10 series to churches, small groups and individuals this May. The just10 series is a ten-session series to explain the Ten Commandments and their relevance today. With live audiences in excess of one million people, J.John believes that these principles are as relevant today as they have ever been. He said: “I am delighted to be relaunching just10 for a time such as this. With this series now into its third decade, we have been astonished to see how God has used these ten talks as a spiritual MOT for Christians and non-Christians alike. We are thankful to God for each person who has repented, made restitution, restored a broken relationship, been renewed and re-envisioned during the series and our prayer is that this new set of resources will inspire many thousands of people to re-align their lives with God’s timeless principles.”
During the series J.John will look at topics including How to Find True Contentment (You Shall Not Covet), How to Prosper with a Clear Conscience (You Shall Not Steal), and How to Prevent Burnout (Remember God’s Day of Rest). J.John ends the series by challenging listeners to put God first in their lives. In addition to releasing his full-length talks for churches and small groups to use free-of-charge, J.John will also be releasing just10: Conversation Starter, 10–15-minute highlight episodes purposefully designed to inspire conversation. J.John explained: “just10: Conversation Starter is an opportunity for us to come together, maybe over a meal or a coffee, to discuss each of these ten principles and to encourage one another in our own journeys of faith.”
Accompanying these free video resources, J.John’s book just10: God’s Timeless Values for Life Today will be republished and will be available to order from April 11th. This book will help readers go deeper into the topics covered in each of the ten just10 talks.
Full information aboutjust10can be found at just10.org.
The Ancient Greeks were famous for their education and wisdom, yet their knowledge didn’t close their minds to things which couldn’t be explained. My guess is that they would have had a mixture of influences, would probably be superstitious, and would need a bit more information when someone started talking about faith. They were real people living in a real world, yet they were very comfortable with mystery when it came to beliefs.
I think today’s generally post-faith society is similar. Many would have us believe that everything can be explained by science. Yet running alongside that is considerable interest in all things mysterious. Just look at all the fantasy TV programmes and films focussing on futuristic space exploration or the supernatural. And all those blockbuster films like Harry Potter,Lord of the Rings and Chronicles of Narnia. There is a massive interest in and acceptance of things we can’t fully understand and which stretch the imagination. We shouldn’t be too quick to condemn this. Maybe we have tried to take the mystery out of our world and lost that sense of awe and wonder as a result.
Personally, I don’t need to have a rational or scientific explanation for everything. I’m very happy for there to be a sense of mystery especially in the area of beliefs. The origins of Easter are surrounded by controversy and shrouded in mystery. The story goes that God, in his wisdom, sent his son into our world as a vulnerable baby. The boy grew to become an apprentice in his father’s carpentry business. In his late twenties he set off on foot travelling through villages and towns sharing his thinking about life and faith. Not everyone liked it and it all ended up in a cruel death. But then, a mystery. Sightings of him alive again. A disputed resurrection somehow changed the lives and beliefs of a small number of people who went on to influence the lives of countless others around the world.
Perhaps we all struggle to accept things that are beyond our understanding and beyond our control, but maybe in those moments all we can do is stand in awe and accept it as an unfathomable mystery.
Each spring brings the grand unveiling of my barbecue, as soon as it is vaguely warm enough (the weather, not the coals). To be honest, there just needs to be no snow on the ground. I’ve had so may barbies in January, my neighbours think I’m Australian.
We invite them round and there I stand, lord of my domain, turning the sausages and frying the onions. I also make a mean minted shoulder of lamb, searing it on the coals before grilling it till it drips with juice. For dessert I grill mango and melt bananas with chocolate, a culinary delight that has to be tasted to be believed.
And I do it all myself. It’s not that I don’t trust my wife, but it’s my job. A man’s place is by the barbecue, with a monstrous pair of tongs in one hand and a chilled can of Fosters in the other; avoiding idle chitchat with strangers, unless it’s about cuts of meat.
This was all very well, until one weekend I promised my family a barbecue, forgetting that I had to be away doing a gig in the north of the country.
My wife was going to have to take control of my barbecue. We both felt uncomfortable at this blurring of our territories. We had to have some swift staff training – and it was with great trepidation that she took on my mantle.
But she did a good job. I checked, of course, asking the kids if Mum’s sausages were as good as Dad’s, to which they sang a resounding ‘Yes’. Moreover, she had got cocky and created home-made burgers, which the children were raving about. I felt a little redundant. After all, the reality is, she prepares the salads, bread, utensils, napkins and sauces, lays the table and clears up afterwards. While I clearly have the most important job; standing over the barbecue. I’d been emasculated.
It’s not just barbecues. It happens easily, and often there’s no option, but we need to make sure that we’re not the only people who can do what we do. We get caught up in a role, imagining we’re the only one who can do it. It’s simpler to do something ourselves because it makes us important, keeps us useful and makes people need us.
So let’s not hold on to our positions in life and get precious about who we entrust things to do. Let’s encourage those around us to get involved, share our passions with people who care, and mentor others to carry on the work.
Next, I will see if Bekah is up for putting the bins out. I’m not precious.
How can you get through a divorce? Charles Reid has some first-hand experience of the process and some considered suggestions if you, or a close friend, are in the throes of this difficult and emotionally wrenching undertaking.
In 2021, there were 113,505 divorces granted in England and Wales, according to the Office of National Statistics. That’s 227,010 adults who have struggled through to the point of having a decree absolute granted by the courts. That doesn’t include the children, grandchildren, siblings, parents, grandparents, friends, and colleagues who are impacted when a married couple terminate the relationship and start on separate paths. Do not be fooled by the simplistic way divorce is portrayed in the media; this is not likely to be an easy smooth process, and it will test every element of your character.
During the summer of 2015 I started out on this painful, difficult and expensive route. As with nearly two-thirds of male-female married couples, it was my wife who decided to instigate the divorce. We had struggled along together for some years going to repeated counselling sessions, and trying hard to do the best we could. However, we both brought historical baggage into our marriage, and it seemed that we were never going to get to a great place, and so she made the decision to end the relationship.
Although I knew our marriage was not a great place to be in for either of us, it still came as a horrible shock when she informed me that we were going no further together. Over the course of the following few years (this is rarely a speedy process), I learned a lot about myself, my friends and family, and my relationship with God. I’d like to share a few things which may help anyone going through a similar situation – just practical observations.
Take it slow
Patience is the most important quality you will need. The legal process runs slowly, especially while the courts are trying to regain their pre-pandemic equilibrium, but even in ‘normal’ times things seldom happen quickly. If you are the sort of person who cannot cope with delayed gratification and needs everything now, you may find that you regret decisions, things said or done, and the final agreement reached, for years to come. At every stage, in your head ask yourself, “Will I care about the outcome of this part in five years’ time?” If the answer is yes, then stand firm on that point. Otherwise, be prepared to give a little. Pick your battles – you can’t and won’t win all of them.
Get legal counsel
Make sure you get good legal advice, and do it as early in the process as you can. Don’t hire a combative solicitor – they may cost you dearly in financial terms as well as in time and eventual outcome. Look for someone who understands that the desired end of a divorce negotiation is a ‘fair and equitable’ settlement which allows former husband and wife to live a reasonable life, and that the now individual adults should be self-supporting within a viable timescale. The days of being taken for every penny you have are, thankfully, past, in favour of a more balanced approach. The solicitor I chose, having been recommended by friends, told me at our first meeting what the he expected the financial outcome would be. Two years later, he was almost entirely accurate in his prediction. This is the sort of person you need representing you.
Pick your friends
Next, carefully select some really good friends. I cannot stress this enough. Do not trust anyone who may be reporting back to your former spouse. I was fortunate here: I enlisted three very long-standing friends, two of whom had known me in the years before my marriage. All three had proven that they were honest with me: I knew this by the fact that they had sometimes told me things I may not have wanted to hear, but nonetheless were accurate and true. I asked my three friends to become my ‘Council of Reference’, and they were absolutely invaluable in helping me walk through the divorce process. We set up a WhatsApp group where messages could be posted at all times of the day or night and responded to as time allowed.
I had realised very quickly that the emotional burden was going to be enormous and challenging, and there was a high risk that, due to anger or sadness or some other strong mental demand, I would make poor decisions. My Council of Reference were my wise counsel, people physically removed from most of the emotion, who could feed back jointly or together a considered response to my questions around, “This has happened, and I want to do this, but should I?” To try and ensure a balanced view, one of the three was single, one married, and one divorced. Two were male and one female, again to try and balance the advice offered. In almost every situation I used the counsel offered by these friends, and I am enormously grateful to them for making themselves available for a couple of years of their lives to support a struggling man.
Avoid the twits
Speaking of emotional burdens, social media is not your friend during a divorce. Seriously consider deleting your social media accounts. At the time, I was on Facebook and Twitter, and my ex-wife weaponised it, trying to turn friends, colleagues, and family against me. I told friends and family that I literally didn’t want to know or hear anything about what was posted, and it genuinely helped me to cope with the pressure of making good decisions. I deleted my profiles and didn’t rejoin for some years.
Tell the boss
It’s vitally important to let your employer know what’s going on in your life. Make no mistake, divorce is going to impact you in ways you didn’t expect, and it may affect your work. I was lucky enough to have a sympathetic boss, and so when I privately told them that I was starting to work through a divorce they helped me to ensure that any work being issued to clients was correct, sanity-checked some of my emails, and even offered me some time off when I really needed it. Trying to hide a life event as all-encompassing as the separation of a long-term relationship is extremely difficult, and adds stress to an already stressful situation. Don’t do it. If your boss is wholly unsympathetic, it may be worth considering changing jobs, but in general my advice would be not to make any huge life changes at this point if you don’t absolutely have to.
Find a home
One life change you will have to face is finding somewhere to live. Renting property is a nightmare in the UK right now, with high demand and low supply making rents and deposits scarily high. Unless you’re seriously wealthy you’re unlikely to be able to buy a property, as your former wife (and any children still at home) can choose to stay in the family home until an agreed date. This means that you’re still on the hook for the mortgage, which may affect your personal ability to borrow to buy another property.
With all that in mind, wherever you end up living will be your refuge, your place to curl up and mourn the loss of your marriage, but also where the roots of your next life chapter will be born. Don’t be too proud to look at places you would never have previously considered. I ended up living above a shop in a small two-bed flat in the middle of a council estate, having borrowed money to get the deposit together. It was (just) affordable, and money was incredibly tight for a few months, but having space of my own, and somewhere for my children to be able to visit, was a literal Godsend.
Feel the emotion
You won’t come out of this process emotionally unscathed. Everything you thought was your future has just come crashing down in pieces, possibly never to be resurrected. If you have children, they are going to be hurt, upset, puzzled, and all sorts of other things, and it’s partly your fault. Acknowledge that guilt. Mourn the death of your relationship. Worth through it. Get counselling Cry to God for help and healing. This is where some of the Psalms of David start to chime. Life is not good. God’s gracious help, love warmth and forgiveness is there for the asking. Don’t repress your emotions in that way that we Brits are so renowned for. Get it out, get it dealt with, and then move on with a lighter step.
Let it go
There will be plenty to forgive too. First, yourself. You are very likely to shoulder blame, some of which will be warranted and some not. Either way, God forgives when you ask Him, and so you need to forgive yourself too. You will also need to forgive your ex-partner. Easy? Ha! No, but as has been widely quoted in the past, holding a grudge against someone is like drinking poison and hoping that the other person will die. Her life is no longer your responsibility. Her decisions are now hers alone.
Photo credit: Luigi Estuye via Unsplash
Taste the joys
Search for, and enjoy, the unexpected freedom. One of the finest feelings I can recall during that period was realising that I could buy orange juice with bits. Daft, right? In our house we only ever had smooth orange juice, and I quite liked the bits. So go round the supermarket and buy the things you enjoy but which were previously restricted. Hang pictures which you love. Read books, watch your favourite TV, listen to the music which makes you smile. There’s a lot of touch stuff in a divorce, but there are little glimpses of sunshine through all the dark clouds.
Look to the future
Remember, none of this is permanent. After your financial settlement is agreed, the decree absolute has been issued, and all that legal stuff is out of the way, you are free to move forward on your own, following God and your heart, and find out what is in store. I have a (worryingly large) number of friends who have gone through divorce, and it’s true that in the years after the process they have discovered positives in life, and are often happier than they were immediately pre-divorce. To state the (hopefully) obvious, I’m absolutely not recommending this journey, but God can truly use all things for his ultimate glory.
So, continue to be patient with yourself, with your family, with your children, and with your ex-spouse (no matter how difficult that is). Patience and wisdom, good friends, and, over all, clinging to God, will get you through intact. I wish you well if you’re battling through this part of life. One verse that constantly helped me was Jeremiah 29 verse 11, and I commend it to you.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
At just 24, Canadian singer Shawn Mendes has racked up some serious musical achievements – and a heap of awards. But he’s found his real peace in God, as Violet Wilder discovered.
Success is a peculiar thing, mainly because of the different ways it seems to affect people; either raising them up or bending and eventually breaking them. For some, like Shawn Mendes, it came with such ease, so early in the game, and so forcefully, he was almost left shivering in its wake, unsure of where to go next.
“To think I was only 15 when this whole crazy story kicked off is something that, looking back, I almost find quite terrifying,” he begins. “At the time you are swept along with the momentum, and it feels exciting and the biggest thrill you could ever imagine… and of course it is.
“However, receiving that sort of adulation at such a young age is probably unnatural… it’s not real life. And in the seven years straight I had on the road – a lot of big songs, big gigs, big experience – I think gradually I brought about a feeling of sanity to my life, but it really did take that long; and there were many things I had to lean on along the way to get to where I am now.”
Of course, Shawn Mendes won’t have been the first pop star to believe his own hype, albeit it manifested itself in a way the Canadian star didn’t expect. “I think the stress of going along with a certain version of yourself is actually the thing that terrifies you most,” he reveals. “I have always said it’s something of a monster, and I could feel it eating me from the inside, gnawing away at my self-confidence.
“The pressure gave me a fragility I had never felt before, to the point where criticism I might have brushed off a year or 18 months earlier, I was taking to heart, and it was destroying me.”
Considering that the 24-year-old has already spent nearly a decade of his life in the limelight, it is understandable that his celebrity status feels intricately bound to his personality. Mendes felt the first thrills of recognition way back in 2012 when, after teaching himself to play guitar using YouTube tutorials, he garnered half a billion views singing pop covers on now-defunct social media app Vine. He was one of the first in a new generation of stars whose DIY approach and self-starting ambitions give the notion that fame is one touch of a screen away. Inevitably, those six-second snippets of songs drew the attention of a management company, which led to a life-changing contract with Island Records.
A debut album, Handwritten, went to number one in his native Canada, and topped the billboard charts in America (as did his two follow-up records). His first single Stitches has over a billion views on YouTube and his song Treat You Better has double that number. Mendes has supported Taylor Swift on tour and had a high-profile relationship with Cuban-born sweetheart Camila Cabello. And these are just some of the extraordinary feats for one so young. Yet even the indefatigable Mendes wasn’t safe from the spectre of self-doubt.
“Things really came to a head a couple of months before lockdown,” admits Mendes, who looks fit, wholesome and has shifted his image away from those initial years of boyishness. “Around January I almost had something of a creative shut-out, where my body would just not allow me to sing.
“This was all brought about by severe anxiety, and that came from a place of feeling desperately out of sorts with how I was going to get my next album together. I think most people are used to fear that consumes you in the moment, but mine was a daily thing. I was totally stuck.”
From Judy Garland to Britney Spears, history has a hefty roster of young stars who became victims of the fame monster, but unusually it was Mendes and his management team who were labelled as exploitative, unethical and irresponsible by various child advocacy groups. It came after a highly dubious marketing stunt whereby fans, desperate to meet their idol, were encouraged to ‘buy all album copies’ of Handwritten, some of which hid golden access ‘meet and greet’ passes. “It was one of those where the idea was better than the execution – it happens.”
Despite this controversy, the singer has always had an untarnished air of affability. Charming, authentic, polite and always ready with that starry white grin for a selfie with a starstruck fan, he was, and still is, the perfect pop star.
Photo by Sara Jaye Weiss/Shutterstock (9705097u) Shawn Mendes iheart Radio Wango Tango Backstage Portrait Studio, Los Angeles, USA – 02 Jun 2018
Unavoidably, it is that quest for perfection that becomes the chink in one’s armour. For while he is adored by many, there are still the usual naysayers who say his music is formulaic, that he lacks personality and even those who are convinced his two-year relationship with Cabello was merely a publicity stunt.
“I’ve come to terms with the ‘formulaic’ tag,” he says. “The fact is, you cannot make music that pleases everyone – it’s just impossible.
“I think at its worst, I came close to quitting the whole thing. I lost sight of the fact I had an ability to control my place in the industry; it didn’t have to be the industry was controlling me. That was never the deal when I was 12 or 13 in my bedroom making music. It was just a love for what I was doing, and I needed to win back a bit of that mentality.”
A big part of that recovery ultimately came when Mendes turned to a higher power for healing. He admits to reading over 50 self-help books in a bid to fix his mental health. He also exercised hard; yet in the end, it was meditation and spiritual energy which really made the difference.
“I think when you tap into real spirituality, it is something that will really transform who you are,” he says. “For me that started with meditation – I just jumped on a YouTube video, cleared my mind, and found a new way through.”
Mendes went on to use an app product conceived by instructor Jeff Warren. “It was a 30-day thing, but it took me from a place of anxiety into a new sphere. It taught me compassion, temperance, and indirectly reconnected me with the power of faith.”
In 2021, along with Cabello, Mendes launched his own series for the mindfulness and meditation app Calm, titled ‘Breathe Into It’. It consists of 24 sessions which explore experiences in overcoming anxiety and building a sense of self-acceptance and gratitude. He also announced a partnership that will provide thousands of free Calm memberships to youth activists and leaders through the Movement Voter Fund and the Shawn Mendes Foundation. For Mendes, it’s an opportunity not just to destigmatise the conversation around mental health, but also to give back.
“I wanted to get as far away from the idea of this being a commercial activity as possible, because it’s totally not. We have offered free memberships because, in my mind, everything connected to health and positivity and wellbeing should be free. It’s so important these days; maybe more important than ever.”
Mendes’ soul-searching also took him on another great journey – one which realigned him to God. In fact, it was while listening to Maverick City, a contemporary worship music collective who originate from Atlanta, Georgia, that he experienced an electrifying epiphany. The 100-strong gospel group were singing about Jesus, and Mendes found himself moved to tears.
“I’ve always known that music is a real connector to our emotions, but when it came to religion it never really got me to that place. I would say that gospel was the genre that went closest, but when you are in a room with a gospel choir, when the power and the passion of faith is reverberating around you – well, it’s an incredible experience. It has opened up a lot for more.”
In recent months, Mendes and fellow Canadian star Justin Bieber have been spotted leaving services at the Beverly Hills chapter of Churchome – the Seattle-based church led by Pastor Judah Smith which is endorsed by numerous celebrities and even has its own app. Besides sharing a home country and a wealth of talent, both Bieber and Mendes have been admirably candid about their personal struggles with fame and its repercussions on their mental health, including postponing tours in a bid to ‘ground’ themselves. In 2020 the pair even released the duet Monster which deals with the trappings of fame and perils of worshipping false idols.
Bieber has long worn his love for Jesus on his sleeve. Not only has he performed with Maverick City at a worship service – you can find his stirring rendition of the song Jireh (a duet with the group’s co-founder Chandler Moore) on YouTube – but the title of his hit 2015 album, Purpose, literally refers to his relationship with God.
For Mendes the transition appears to be a little more on the subtle side. One obvious shift is how his much his fourth studio album, Wonder, differs from his previous work. On the title song, soaring choirs and earnest soul-searching, that crescendo in the chorus where he asks: “I wonder what it’s like to be loved by you?” have replaced the palpable anxiety and despair of his 2018 masterpiece In My Blood.
Mendes is the first to recognise that his ultimate downfall was his own avarice and appetite for success. While always clean-living, his drive for success had become an addiction that, he believes, turned him away from his true self.
“I think most of us use faith and God as a way of wanting things to happen,” he says. “Praying, hoping, committing ourselves is often a way of yearning for something more in our lives, and I certainly did that for many, many years.
“I guess what I have ultimately learned is that sometimes the whole point of believing is that when you reach out it is just for consolidation, or for normality. That is ultimately so much more valuable – to be able to go back to your equilibrium.
“Everything else in life is really what you bring yourself – and if you don’t then maybe that doesn’t matter anyway; but at least be content in yourself.”
Subsequently, in his bid to find clarity and truth, Mendes has fully gone back to the basics. Reconnecting with old friends and family – his parents live in Ontario, Canada but his mother is originally from Somerset and his father is Portuguese – he now finds peace and beauty in the world around him, rather than YouTube hits and bank balances. He has also invested time into other realms of spirituality, discussing scriptures with author Jay Shetty.
“For me it is true enlightenment. I cannot be a global face without taking in those influences from around the planet – I’m just glad I’ve got to this point right now.”
Photo by Sara Jaye Weiss/Shutterstock (9705097w) Shawn Mendes iheart Radio Wango Tango Backstage Portrait Studio, Los Angeles, USA – 02 Jun 2018
Currently Mendes is in between albums, having cancelled the majority of his Wonder tour dates in order to prioritise his health and take forward even further the epiphanous lessons from 2022.
Perhaps, as well, in the time away from relentless touring, he may afford himself a deeper foray into cinema. In the recently-released film of Bernard Waber’s beloved 1965 children’s book Lyle, Lyle Crocodile, Mendes voices the eponymous singing reptile who must eventually choose between a glamorous life of showbusiness and a homely one in Manhattan with the Primm family.
In the end, Mendes is, himself, much like the doleful, gentle crocodile, though it has taken him a little while longer to realise that it is faith, family and friendship, not fame, that bring you the greatest joy.
We all have a story and, as the story of our life unfolds, it will intersect with the stories of others.
In 1846, James Caughey visited a little church in Nottingham as a guest speaker. He talked about developing the character of a servant, helping the poor and sharing faith.
One particular man sitting in the congregation had been drifting in his faith. He felt God speak to him that night. That young man was William Booth and the movement he founded was the Salvation Army, which today is an international movement sharing the gospel and meeting human need in the most deprived situations.
Some things struck me about that story. Firstly, there’s a challenge to faithfulness. James Caughey was a Methodist minister who faithfully followed God’s call to move to England, not knowing what might lie ahead. He was faithful and wasn’t bothered about fame or profile or preaching to large audiences. He was happy to show up at a small gathering and share what God had put on his heart. He had no idea of how his words might impact another’s life.
And there’s a challenge to serve. He presented a challenge not just for folks to turn to God in faith, but called them to action to serve a needy world. James Coughey’s faithfulness intersected with William Booth’s shaky faith. God spoke, Booth responded, and the story was forever changed. Booth turned back to his faith and found a way to strengthen and bless others.
In the summer of 1996, I spent a month helping out on a game farm in the northern Transvaal in South Africa. I decided to head north to Zimbabwe for some fun before heading home to the UK. For me back then, fun meant skydiving with good friends, with cool drinks in the evening. Life was all good.
The flight to 15,000 fee was uneventful. I stood in the cargo area of the plane and looked down. I took a deep breath, then slid off the step. The clouds felt damp on my face as I fell through them. At 4,000 fee I pulled the ripcord and heard the canopy open with a reassuring crack. My free fall quickly slowed down from 130 to 25mph, just as it always did. But when I looked up, I realised something was wrong – very wrong. Instead of a smooth rectangular shape above me, I had a very deformed-looking tangle of chute, which would be a nightmare to control.
I pulled hard on both steering toggles to see if that would help. It didn’t. I kept trying but I was burning through time and altitude fast. Within seconds I was too low to use my reserve chute, and the ground was coming up fast. I flared the chute too high and too hard. This jerked my body up horizontally, then I dropped away and smashed into the desert floor, landing on my back, right on top of the tightly packed rock-hard reserve chute.
I couldn’t stand up; I could only roll over and moan on the dusty earth. I was biting the ground in agony. I didn’t know the extent of the damage at the time, that I had shattered three key vertebrae and would go on to spend months in and out of military rehabilitation back in the UK, strapped into braces and unable to move freely. But in those first few minutes as I lay there, one thing I did know was that my life had just changed forever.
Sometimes it isn’t until we get knocked down that we find which way is up. Sometimes it isn’t until the sky clouds over that we notice the light. And sometimes it isn’t until we lie in the gutter that we begin to see the stars. The light of God has been the greatest source of hope this world has ever known. We can never be so far away that the light won’t reach us. Sometimes it is good to be reminded of that. Hope will always win – and the light of Christ reaches everywhere.
Extract taken from Soul Fuel by Bear Grylls, published by Zondervan in the US and Hodder Faith in the UK.
I really could not believe it when I had the opportunity to interview someone I felt I had known all my life, the one and only Mr Alan Fletcher, who starred in the much loved television soap opera Neighbours for 28 years!
Interview with Steve Legg and Alan Fletcher
Steve Legg (SL): Now Alan, you’re a super-talented man. Do you know what? I listened to your album today. And it’s brilliant. I’d love to talk to you a bit about that later on. Was your first love music or acting?
Alan Fletcher (AF): Well, I’ve always said I’m an entertainer at heart. And so for me, both equally. Of late though, I’m very much enjoying the music because Americana music is storytelling. And I love the fact that I can tell stories that I’ve written. And these stories are contained within three minutes. And each story can have a different effect on the listener.
It’s the economy of music I love I suppose. And also just the joy of performing live just can’t be beaten, whether it’s as an actor or a musician.
SL: It’s that immediate response and rapport with the audience, isn’t it? There’s nothing like it.
AF: Yes, you’re absolutely right. Yeah, I mean, the biggest privilege you can ever be given is as a singer or musician is when people start singing your songs back to you. I’m getting that kind of vibe happening for one of my songs How good is bed? It’s just really a fun song about staying in bed.
SL: And I love the fact that came after my favourites. I loved Hey you. I thought that was a beautiful song.
AF: Oh, thank you. That’s a tribute to my mom. My mom was my spiritual guide in life and she said to me that she would still be continuing to guide me after she left and I feel her presence every day. And Hey you is a heartfelt message to her and to everyone who’s lost, asking, are you still there?
SL: I can imagine it being used for people’s funerals but I had a horrendous vision of the sound guy at the crematorium as the curtains closed, pressing the number incorrectly because How good is bed comes immediately after Hey you. And that will be embarrassing for everyone.
AF: (laughs) Well, I suppose eternal sleep is the same thing in a way. Maybe it was intentional.
SL: Alan, you worked with Arthur Lowe back in the day, who we know as the very pompous Captain Mainwaring from Dad’s Army.
AF: Yes. I’m pleased that you know that. Arthur was a dream. I did a play with him which toured around the UK, New Zealand and Australia. So I had the privilege of working with him. He’s one of the greatest comedians to come out of the UK because his timing was immaculate; he could make an audience dissolve into laughter with just one look. And we loved him in Dad’s Army. We loved him in so much stuff, you know, and to work with him on stage was a joy and a great education also.
SL: So what did he teach you most?
AF: It was mostly about comic timing and stillness. Arthur had a way of being completely still on stage. And suddenly, he would speak his lines at exactly the right moment, after the right pause. And when you’re a young performer as I was then, you tend to be very eager and over anxious to get the line out. And you lose the stillness and timing that he as an older person had.
I think about him all the time. Particularly when I’m doing Neighbours, because when I’m working with Jackie Woodburne (Neighbours screen wife, Susan Kennedy), we do a lot of comedy together. And she’s a master at that, too. It’s the slow-burning look that dissolves the audience into hysterics.
SL: You’ve brought us nicely onto Neighbours and 1994 is a year you probably won’t forget. That’s when the Kennedy’s moved into Ramsay Street. I remember that hideous portrait in your house, above the fireplace of your kids, Malcolm Libby and Billy.
AF: Yes, my memory is that Helen Daniels painted it. You’re absolutely right. And interestingly, on the very last day of filming of Neighbours, we shot the last scene in the Kennedy house. And during the speeches, I glanced around to look at the portrait, which was gone. It had been spirited away. And it was because there was a worry that someone might take it.
SL: What do you remember about your first day on the Neighbours set?
AF: It was just myself and Jesse Spencer who played Billy Kennedy. We were on Ramsey Street purchasing number 28, and Karl was buying the house without his wife’s say so. So you know, the parameters of Karl Kennedy was set very early as a man who did things his way. It was fabulous working with Jesse, who was 14 years old. He was confident; he was a brilliant musician who played the violin and was a very fine actor. And a week later, we turned up again with a whole family in a removal truck.
Honestly, I couldn’t have dreamt of having a better family to work with. There was loads of ad-libbing and had an incredible vibe. It was very, very energetic and lovable.
Footnote: What a legend, it was such a privilege to chat with Alan! You can read the rest of my interview with Alan Fletcher in the July/August print edition of Sorted Magazine. To listen to this interview, and others, just tune in to my weekly radio show on Konnect Radio every Saturday from 12pm until 1pm.
Alan Fletcher and his fellow cast members will be in the UK for the Neighbours Farewell Tour, to find out more about the tour please click here.
Alan is not only an accomplished actor, but he’s also a gifted musician, to find out more about his new album and tour dates please click here.
Gordon is a good friend. We have spent some fun times together, but he is totally locked into ‘stuff’. He’s a busy person and he’s gadget mad and considers it a priority to have the latest versions. He has a good job and can afford to buy these things. I suppose when I was earning more money I was a bit more carefree, but I sometimes wonder whether for him it is an addiction. I’m probably about five years behind when it comes to the latest technology, but as we talked it became clear that he would find it very difficult to go back even a couple of years to what then seemed like a must-have piece of equipment. In his eyes going backwards represents a failure of some sort, and his fairly forceful insistence that I should upgrade my stuff was actually quite hurtful.
I’ve always wanted to be a good provider. I feel the weight of that responsibility. I hope I never lose that sense. But I sometimes feel self-conscious that my car is getting on a bit. Why should I? It runs perfectly well. Yet I feel slightly off the pace of other men whom I perceive to be more successful than me. Do you ever feel this kind of pressure?
Financial difficulties can leave you with feelings of uselessness and under-achievement. The trouble is we’ve all come to expect a certain standard of living. Some young couples expect to start out in life where their parents ended up after a lifetime of work. It was all made worse by the ‘buy now, pay later’ idea. When I was a young man there was a cultural shift from saving up until you could afford something, to buying it now on credit. After all, why pay more for it a year down the line if you could get it cheaper now, even allowing for paying some interest?
Men can feel an unspoken pressure to compete with one another. I know one guy who doesn’t watch adverts on television because he doesn’t want to know what the latest gadget is. He doesn’t want that pressure on top of everything else he has to deal with. Sadly, advertisers find ever more cunning ways of peddling their wares especially through the internet. It’s so annoying when adverts pop up uninvited. It’s almost impossible to avoid.
It takes will power to swim against this tide, to channel some of that drive to be a good provider into holding back on what we want and being happy with what we have. Let’s be strong enough to avoid the tendency to compare ourselves with others. Let’s not overstretch our resources just to keep up appearances.
It’s healthy to be content, but envy can eat you up. Proverbs 14:30 CEV.
